Ok, this is by no means a straight up horror/exploitation review but quite frankly, 2011 has been more terrifying and appalling in film releases than any gore filled splatter-fest. Here is my picks for best, worst, most disappointing and surprising films of the year. Of course I don’t let box office sway my decision, this is purely my own opinion and judgement. So here we go…
TOP 5 FILMS OF 2011 –
1) Captain America – Yes! This is what a comic book movie should be! Enough back story to tell the audience (and those new to the franchise) without it being a pure origin film/prequel of sorts, enough action to keep the audience’s attention, genuine humour, and most importantly, a real sense of change in the hero. You saw Capt. fight for what he believed in as an average joe before the super solider serum, stray from the hero’s path during his propaganda dance numbers and then harden the fuck up and hero-up to save the day. All in all, just a great watch.
2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes – Oooh! Help me Dr. Zaus! A prequel and stepping stone to the inevitable end of humanity – this time thanks to the local ape populace and mankinds folly. What was great about the film was the genuine emotion you saw on the faces of the apes. You knew exactly what there were thinking, while there was moments of no actual dialogue. Huge props to the visual effects team from Weta Digital. Technical aspects aside, the relationship between James Franco and Caesar (main ape) was so powerful and evoked genuine emotional empathy with the audience. Major plotholes aside (seriously, where did that army of apes on the bridge all come from? The one city zoo?! I dont think so!), this was still a great film and worthy mainstream release.
3) X-Men First Class – A bold statement indeed! Another prequel, this one also suffering from some serious plot holes, they did a solid job in laying a foundation for the other X-men films in the series. I really wish that the Magneto origin film was salvaged from the writer’s strike shenanigans as his scenes hunting down the Nazi generals were fantastic. i would love to see a full origin film devoted to one of the best written villian characters of all time but alas, no. Either way, a good film with a decent origin story for those unfamiliar with the Magneto/Prof X storyline.
4) Real Steel – Simple. Australia’s poster boy Hugh Jackman in a reworking of one of the greatest under-dog stories of all time (Rocky) with robots! WIN! Some solid emotion from the characters and you really cheer for them during the fights. Pretty straightforward.
5) Warrior – I opted to see this one as a UFC/MMA fan and will check out anything I can that is remotely related. I didn’t know what to expect exactly, another Never Back Down type showcase of new youngsters who know how to fight or looks good choreographing one but I was genuinely impressed by what I saw. A solid dramatic story with some great performances – especially by Nick Nolte. The scene in the hotel room where he falls off the sobriety wagon and just breaks down, I was shocked at where the pure emotion came from. Props son! As I said, not what I expected but I really enjoyed this.
WORST 5 FILMS OF 2011 –
Holy shit! Can I just say, there were so many contenders for these films but I limited it to the films I had to force myself to sit through, if only to see how it finished.
1) GREEN LANTERN – Seriously, I NEVER walk out of a film. I mean NEVER!!! But this was the one that would have done it; 30 mins into the film. I stayed because I was seeing it with friends but oh man… wow. This is the prime example of how throwing money at a bad film just makes it a showreel for the visual effects company. But it was just fucking bad! In every sense of the film! I was shocked and pissed off at how the failed to make a likeable superhero, failed to make a cohesive story and failed to suspend any disbeliefs the audience had. I get that it’s hard to tell a full on superhero origin story in 2 hours but fuck. It was overproduced, forced to be the biggest, best superhero movie of all time and became nothing more than loud noises and someone shouting at the screen “THIS IS HAPPENING NOW!” *scene change* “NOW THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE THIS HAPPENED JUST THEN”. It was a sledge hammer to the face and god damn it was messy.
2) The Thing – Ahh, here we go, a little more horror suited. The one thing (ha!) I said would make this prequel good would be if the went back to the original’s roots and went with physical special effects. So what did they do? CGI fucking mutant aliens. Followed by predictable misdirection, more CG wankery and then an ending climax on spaceship. This was just bad and a huge ‘fuck you’ to one of the greatest horrors of the 80’s.
3) Tower Heist – Oh god. This one really pissed me off. I’m calling it now as the nail in the coffin for Ben Stiller’s career. I’ll admit there were a few solid scenes where the subtext between Stiller and Alan Alda were really well written (I mean really well written). But as for the jokes, story, characters, performances and general plotholes – the film’s still a heaping pile of shit. Eddie Murphy was good (and it’ll most likely revive his shattered career) but he wasn’t present enough in the film to save it. All in all, not enough jokes (or good jokes) to be a comedy and not enough suspense to be a crime film, just a muddy mess of neither.
4) Jack and Jill – *sigh* Yeah, nothing about this film was classy, funny or clever. The whole same actor, 2 different characters thing is dead. It was great in Nutty Professor remake (seriously blew my mind that Eddie M was all the Klumps!) but then it got god fucking awful (Norbit). Adam Sandler has been on a slow decline since whatever what after 50 First Dates and if he keeps this level of shit up, then my god…
5) The Adventures of Tintin – What? Really? Yeah. I wandering into the cinema hoping for an Indiana Jones-esque family adventure and I got one. Crystal Skull Indiana Jones… ooh burn! I lost interest from the very start of the film and it was never re-captured. The one moment I did enjoy was when the Captain mistakes Snowy for a giant Sumatran rat – a throwback to Peter Jackson’s 2nd gorefest Dead Alive. As for the rest of the film, there were scenes and events that weren’t set up, weren’t explained and weren’t executed well. For example, during a chase sequence in an Arabian town, a tank just bursts through a building and chases tintin. There was no real set-up, a tank just crashed through a building and started chasing them. It was just confusing and … dumb. You can only see so many ‘hit on the head with a bottle’ gags or slip over gags before you check your watch to see how long till the film ends.
TOP 5 DISAPPOINTMENTS OF 2011 -
These are the films that had some serious potential but just fell short. I really wanted to enjoy these films but sadly, they left me confused and disappointed.
1) Contagion – It was a boring movie! I don’t mind a slow set-up but when a slow set-up leads to an even slower ‘climax’ then you’ve lost me. Yeah, I get that it’s a drama and there’s no action or anything, but I would have loved to see more of the downfall of humanity during a crisis. They touched on it briefly when people began looting and killing to find a cure but that was only for a few scenes. Then they found the cure and everything was OK. It was so anti-climactic! It could have been awesome it was darker, grittier and showed humanity’s tendencies towards chaos in crisis.
2) Shark Night 3D – First warning sign of a film like Shark Night 3D is when the rating is M15+. Pirahna 3D was amazing! Tits, gore, stupidy and general goofiness – It knew exactly what it was and didn’t try to be anything else. Shark Night tried to be a somewhat serious horror. About sharks. In 3D. Aside from it trying to be something it wasn’t, my other major disappointment was due to the trailer. I honestly thought the young teens were being hunted down by sharks that were bred and released by some mad scientist. It would have made for a far more interesting film and less ridiculous reason for 12 different species of sharks being in one small region.
3) Super 8 – I really didn’t like this film. Everyone who had seen it liked it and being a JJ Abrams film, I expected a decent sci-fi thriller. It turned into kids running around with kid problems; I felt no real danger for the character’s and honestly just wanted the alien to do something… ANYTHING! The one decent part was when the kids were trapped in a flipped bus with the alien, tearing and ripping it’s way through the soldiers on the bus while the kids scream and cower in the corner. I don’t know if I just wasn’t in the mood or what but didn’t enjoy it at all.
4) Hangover 2 – The Hangover was a great film. Everyone’s been on one of those nights where you don’t remember the wild shit you do and have to piece it all together the next morning. So when H2 was announced, oh great here we go again. But that was the exact problem, it was the same thing… again. The real ’shocks’ of the next morning were all shown in the trailer, leaving nothing to the imagination and leaving the audience chuckling at the ensuing hijinks.
5) In Time – This was a big one for me. I was genuinely excited about In Time. The concept was, and still is, great. Once people turn 25, a countdown begins ticking on their arm, you run out of time, you die. Sounds awesome. The problem was when the film turned into a Bonnie and Clyde bank robbery movie rather than what should have been a Robin Hood, rebel fighting against injustice movie. It started off great, and then took a sharp turn and went in a complete opposite direction. And for god sake, we get it, the films about time, you don’t need to say ‘it’s my time’, ‘time’s are changing’ or any other time based puns. If there was a drinking game where you drink everytime someone says time, you would die at the 20 minute mark.
TOP 5 SURPRISING FILMS OF 2011 -
These are the films I didn’t expect a whole lot from but actually enjoyed.
1) Faster – Ah, one of my idols Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson doing what he does best, high paced action. I thought “Hey, some mindless senseless entertainment from the Rock, why not.” What I didn’t expect was a great throwback to the old 70’s revenge movies. Some bits were stupid and unnecessary (like the hitman who mastered a yoga move that only 5 people in the world can do – seriously, what was the reason for this scene?!) but for the most part, better than I expected.
2) Thor – Watch he doesn’t hit you with his hammer, you’ll be Thor afterwards… Yes, I went there. Not the best superhero movie of the year, but I was quite impressed with the treatment of the character from Kenneth Branagh. Traditionally directing Shakespeare adaptations, Ken B’s style suited the fantasy and regal wonder of the Asgaard. All in all, a solid watch for most semi interested parties. Guys can ogle Natalie Portman (who is pretty damn smokin’ in this!) and girls can ogle beefy Chris Hemsworth, and everyone can ogle Anthony Hopkins, or at least enjoy his awesome performance.
3) Conan – I didn’t know what to think sitting in the theatre waiting for the feature presentation. How dare they remake one of Arnie’s greatest films, who’s this new guy playing our favorite conqueror/destroyer, should I get popcorn? The movie started and I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t a direct remake – more a re-imagining of the comic books (wow, it’s all about comics this year :/ ) and besides from the american accent drops, the new conan was pretty badass. Not a great film by any means but enjoyable blood and gore action.
4) We Bought a Zoo – Huh? REALLY?! I thought you were into fucked up horrors dude? Yeah I am, but I know good story telling when I see it. Cameron Crowe returns to direct a heart warming and emotion tale of a family dealing with the mother’s death by purchasing a zoo. Drama, laughs, emotional connection, character arcs and Scarlett Johnannsen looking hot as fuck with her whole ‘toned down, simple, working girl’ thing. You know what I mean. Whoo! Goddamn!
5) Puss In Boots – Expected another spin-off cash grab by the studios but was surprised to find a cohesive, independent story featuring our favourite fairy tale cat. I am a big fan of animation and believe that you don’t need to be a kid to enjoy them (a good story is a good story, no matter the format) and was pleased to see this wasn’t a Hoodwinked 2 effort from Dreamworks.
So there you have it, a yearly round up of my jeers and cheers for 2011. I will say that this list is based on the films I HAVE seen.
Haven’t seen Drive, Muppets (so excited to see but stupid Australian release dates screwing me and a few other films that I’m sure may get a mention somewhere on the lists so can’t comment on. In either way, 2011… fuck you had some weak releases. Oh well.